This week’s biggest gainers:
The honeymoon starts… now. And now—it’s over. Hellooo Mayor Rahmbo.
The media went agog when Twitter’s Chaucer of the F word, @MayorEmanuel, came out of the crawlspace and revealed himself to be the former Punk Planeteer.
The Big Bull is back. And we’re not talking about Benny.
The Bears’ winning coach inked a two-year contract extension and, allegedly, cracked a smile.
Hawks coach finally got his champs back into playoff contention with a five-game win streak. Nothing like an ulcer and a hospital to motivate the guys.
This week’s biggest losers:
Carol Moseley Braun
Former United States senator, the only woman and the anointed African-American entry among the top four mayoral candidates finished fourth. She beat the woman she called a crackhead, at least.
Scapegoated police superintendent fell on his sword, shortly after notching Chicago’s lowest murder rate in more than a generation.
Stepped down from the Emanuel transition team after one day in one of the fastest-developing ethics flaps in Chicago political history.
The deceased Bear was in the headlines for a second week, notching far more press as a suicide than he ever got as a player.
Augustin Toscano and Raul Segura-Rodriguez
Double murder suspects were revealed to be black-magicking death worshippers. Or does that make them sound cool?