This Week’s Biggest Gainers:
Forget about sharks. Uvalle prevented his own horror story by saving his son after he was snatched up by a convicted sex offender on North Avenue Beach.
Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti
The Chicagoan came a close second in a hotdog-eating competition in Coney Island, a mere nine wieners behind Joey Chestnut’s triumphant tally of sixty-two.
Calling all ze Euro-heepsters: Schreiber’s Pitchfork announced a festival in Paris.
Carlos Quentin and Starlin Castro
All-Stars from Chicago include the one who Ozzie calls one of the most “underrated” players in baseball and the other the youngest Cub ever to do so.
Former Hawks netminder makes like “Fast Eddie” by nabbing a Hall of Fame nod after only one year of eligibility.
This Week’s Biggest Losers:
Menial labor in his future and an increasingly unlikely $64k pension likely made for another bad week for the convicted ex-guv.
The mayor scuffled with unions, saw his first Taste sorta tank and hurt his ankle training for a triathlon.
Twenty-one homers and sixty-two RBIs are considered fine seasons for most players, but Paulie puts those numbers up in three months and it’s not enough for an All-Star selection?
The State Treasurer’s office sent emails out that gave family and friends the head start on earning certain grants. Sure. Just another bureaucratic screw-up, right?
Christopher Clinton Conway
Perhaps it’s that new board member named Rahm and his shaky relations with organized labor? After talks fail, Joffrey Ballet executive director cancels a chunk of the upcoming season.