This week’s biggest gainers:
After being nominated (and rejected) seven times for the Basketball Hall of Fame, the former Bulls assistant coach and Triangle Offense guru discovered the eighth time is the charm.
Punched his way out of a robbery at gunpoint in his front yard in Chatham. If he’d been a few years younger than 85 years old, he’d have really kicked ass.
The normally sedate NBA icon was inducted into the Hall of Fame and gave a legendarily emotional speech.
The CTA president held the line on fare hikes—for a minute, at least.
The late great Cub is now statuesque.
This week’s biggest losers:
We’re guessing, no statue.
The 17-year-old was charged with the senseless murder of Sally Katona-King, who was fatally knocked over climbing to an El platform after an iPhone grab.
Became a part-owner of the—boo!—Green Bay Packers as part of their White House visit. Now you stand on ceremony.
Albert Luis Alvarez
His ninety-nine arrests would be thirty-three life sentences in a “three-strike you’re out” state.
Senator (and apparent water quality authority) Mark Kirk gave the lake a rating of “C” last Wednesday. The Lake responded, “Hey, better than an F!”