STAR WARS: EPISODE 4.5
Leia singing? Chewbacca's kid? Recalling that terrible "Star Wars" TV movie of yore.
"In order to fill up the full two hours, producers added plenty of seventies guest stars like Bea Arthur, Art Carney, Diahann Carrol and Harvey Korman. Jefferson Starship appears and does a cheesy disco song, there are loads of comedy sequences and Carrie Fisher (God help us all) actually 'sings' the theme song to 'Star Wars.'"

SIX DEGREES OF LUKE SKYWALKER
Connect the stars of the other summer movies to the "Star Wars" universe
"Why not try linking every film coming out this summer to Mark Hamill, who so memorably portrayed our onscreen alter-ego, Luke Skywalker, that wide-eyed farm kid who went on to save the entire galaxy?"

DEPRESSING FORCE
Comedy Central's Upright Citizens Brigade gets set for a new season by opening a "Star Wars" Depression Center
"Moviegoers tend to experience Cinematic Letdown Trauma every summer, but after waiting almost two decades for a new 'Star Wars,' we're especially worried. That's why we're putting therapists on-call."

THE JEDI PATH
For those who would turn The Force into a real religion, "The Phantom Menace" is much more than a movie
"What would you rather do, see a movie or go to church? No more boring Bible to read. Just watch 'Star Wars' movies."

PROPER PERSPECTIVE
"The Phantom Menace" is no big deal--but it sure is fun
"If we keep in mind that it wasn't Mr. Lucas who declared his latest film to be tantamount to a religious experience--but rather, the media-gone-mad that hyped his film beyond recognition--we can all settle down and enjoy the prequel for exactly what it was intended to be: an exhilarating adventure-flick targeted for young adults."

MIDDLING MENACE
Assessing the Empire's new duds
"'Menace''s reliance on computerized creatures not only lets Lucas get away with the racial stereotyping of Jar Jar, the Asian-inspired Federation bad guys, and a big-nosed housefly of a slave trader who seems like an outtake from Aladdin, it also lets him engage in wholesale slaughter with impunity."

TATOOINE YOU
"Phantom Menace" is all CGI glory and no story
"What does it say about a filmmaker when his effects come out better than his human cast members, when a single laser strike is more dramatic than a whole raft of (stilted) dialogue? It says he ought to spend more time on story and less time crunching binaries, more on pacing the myth and less on cramming it down viewers' throats."

FANTASY LEAGUER
Novelist Terry Brooks wrote"The Phantom Menace" adaptation, but still had to beg his way into a screening
"I had to whine a lot before anyone at Lucasfilm would let me see the movie. So I saw the film at an advance screening--and let me tell you, it takes something away from the film when you've just written the novelization of the screenplay."

USE THE MOUSE, LUKE
The Jedis return with new multimedia tools
"Starwars.com's interactive tour of Anakin Skywalker's home brings something to the 'Star Wars' fans they've never had before: a chance to see the set in a 360-degree environment, and explore it beyond the depth of a movie screen."

MENACING DELIGHT
"Episode I" (almost) lives up to the hype
Much more than the previous films, "The Phantom Menace" features the Jedi Knights doing what they do best--wielding those awesome light sabers. The duels are thrilling, particularly the showdown with Darth Maul, Dark Knight of the Sith. That particular sequence is as exciting as any from the original trilogy."

STRIKING OUT
Lucas' latest spectacular ride through the Empire is a bit bumpy
"The latest extravaganza is stuffed with visual splendors, exciting action sequences and state-of-the-art special effects. Trouble is, there isn't quite enough for moviegoers who want more than stylish spectacle."

PHANTOM ANNOYANCE
Young Jake Lloyd skywalks into obscurity
"Lloyd's performance is so irritating that one is comforted by the knowledge that he'll eventually sell his soul and become the arch-villain Darth Vader."

KNIGHT MAN
Liam Neeson rattles his lightsaber as Qui-Gon Jinn in "The Phantom Menace"
I was inspired by seeing Sir Alec Guinness in the first film, and he established for me what these Jedi were. Someone with grace and integrity and with a certain mysticism. He hinted at a Samurai legacy, as well as a spiritual aesthetic.

CRITICAL SASS
Reviewing the reviewers of "The Phantom Menace"
"The most disturbing trend is almost uniform nay saying--the critics all feel they have to say something bad. Perhaps it's because they feel guilty that they get to watch movies for a living instead of working like real people. They're afraid that unless they can find fault with a film, they will be exposed as frauds and lose their jobs."

NECESSARY FORCE
"The Phantom Menace" is a good episode, after all
"Sure, Lucas' dialogue ain't David Mamet and "The Phantom Menace" ain't '2001.' It is, rather, an old Republic Films Saturday Serial shot full of adrenaline; it is, in fact, what Star Wars has always been."

TOY STORY
Casing "The Phantom Menace" merchandise
"The spaceships and action figures aren't just one size anymore--there are a variety of scales in the range. In ascending order: MicroMachines, Action Fleet, LEGOs, snapfit models, the traditional action figures and finally, the oversize figures due to hit the store any day now."

A TREMOR IN THE FORCE
"The Phantom Menace" swings between exhilaration and embarrassment
"This episode is mainly a get-acquainted party for the new characters. The Rebel Alliance doesn't exist yet, nor does the adult Darth Vader, so there's no clear good-versus-evil conflict."

PEOPLE MATTER
"Episode I" shines when the spotlight focuses on the real characters
"One of the film's most suspenseful moments comes during the conventional movie sword fight, a climactic battle between Jinn, Kenobi and Maul. Go figure. All the time, money and effort spent pushing the digital envelope, and 'Phantom Menace' thrives on what's always worked before."

THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART
A report from the "Star Wars" line outside Mann's Chinese Theater
"It's a well-organized machine with approximately 300 participants that sign in and out of line, with their times clocked. People come and go, letting them go to work, take showers and lead a somewhat normal life. After spending a certain amount of time in line, the sitter is guaranteed tickets."

THE FANDOM MENACE
As crowds form for the prequel, impassioned fans show their solidarity
"I'm the biggest loser on the face of the planet. I admit it. We're losers. Who else would wait nine hours to wait to get into a line?"

PREQUEL MANIA
From "The Initial Temptation of Christ" to "8:30 Cowboy," the success of "Star Wars: Episode I" is bound to start a Hollywood stampede
"'Sophocles in Love': Long before Shakespeare put pen to paper--in fact, long before pens--Hellenic playwright Sophocles was packing them into amphitheaters. Follow the amusing, enchanting adventures of this groundbreaking-yet-gentle dramatist as, in the course of staging Antigone, he falls head-over-heels in love with the entire 15-member Greek chorus."

IT'S ONLY A MOVIE--A GOOD MOVIE
"Episode I" reveals George Lucas at his populist filmmaking best
"Is 'The Phantom Menace' an earth-shattering, second coming experience? No. Is it a good movie, as solid and entertaining as the other three 'Star Wars' episodes? Definitely yes."

THE PHANTOM MANIA
Why "Episode I" is truly critic-proof
"It's the closest thing we have in our time to Beatlemania, this frenzy over the new 'Star Wars' episode, and for once the hype isn't entirely orchestrated by professionals. It's partly a grassroots hype, spread through the tangles of the Internet, through the chatrooms and websites of fans and fan clubs alike."

EMPTY SERIAL BOX
"Phantom Menace" takes the movie out of "event movie"
"Speculating how it might have been received without all the hype is like wondering what kind of an impact Jesus might have made without the whole Son of God deal. But still, one can't help but be struck by the vast incongruity between the magnitude of the advance publicity and the tiny impact the movie makes on an individual viewer."

WAY BEHIND THE SCENES
Digging for offscreen dirt at a "Star Wars" convention
"Behind a long line is Billy Dee Williams, who looks remarkably well-preserved for an aging actor. I had no idea they'd encased Lando Calrissian in carbonite, too!"

STAR WHORES
Four spoiled critics score an early peek at "Phantom Menace," but three wish they'd just stayed home and watched "Buffy"
"Lucas directs like he's got sharks in his shorts. Every time the film seems like it's ready to gel into something cohesive, someone whips out a light saber or another critter spastically tears its way across the screen."

BUT KIDS WILL LOVE IT
"The Phantom Menace" is full of childish delight
"Young kids won't have much defense against 'Episode One.' Their nervous systems have yet to cope with the irresistible lure of an old serial movie given mythic pretense. With its resourceful nine-year-old protagonist in the pilot's seat, this trilogy is really theirs to inherit."

JAR JAR STINKS
Uncovering the not-so-phantom blemishes marring "Star Wars: Episode I"
"The film's casual racism is shocking as well. Samuel L. Jackson is shown as the only visible human in a Council meeting amid rubber puppets and computer-generated creatures. What's more exotic in the universe than a powerful black man?"

PHANTOMS OF THE SIDEWALK
A new generation follows The Force
"First in line is Matthew Serna, 25, one of the few people camped outside this theater who was alive when 'Star Wars' was released in May 1977."

PUPPET SHOW
"The Phantom Menace" is more like a toy chest than a movie
"When you're praising the robots in a movie, it's as bad as praising the architecture. It's an acknowledgment that something human is missing."

SPACE CASE
"The Phantom Menace" will both please and disappoint "Star Wars" fans
"It's a thoroughly enjoyable diversion, on a par with 'Jurassic Park' and 'Twister': a little thin in the character department, but unmistakably cool for its unique vision and eye-popping special effects."

PRE-RELEASE TENSION
Can we escape the galaxy of "Phantom Menace" spoilers?
"The difficulty with becoming again the innocent spectator is that it's just about impossible to avoid some sort of accidental encounter with the 'Phantom Menace.'"

PHANTOM MENACED
The Web's got the "Star Wars" prequel in its sites
"An enormous number of unofficial 'Star Wars' sites do more than just provide George Lucas with free publicity. They spill the beans about what's clearly the most anticipated movie in screen history: plot, scenes, script... everything."

FORCE FEEDING
As millions clamor for "Episode I," one columnist trashes George Lucas' filmmaking style
"As a child, I was resistant to 'Star Wars,' because even then I sensed that its appeal was dangerously close to that of Dungeons and Dragons. In short, it was too rooted in fantasy, too unreal."