This week’s biggest gainers:
1 Ozzie Guillen
Eleven wins in a row left you knocking on first place’s door, but we really love the audacity of breaking bread with Cubs bad boy Zambrano on the very day he flew apart.
2 Fred Anderson
When this giant of jazz passed away, the saxophones wailed more mournfully than ever.
3 LeBron James
Oh wait. You’re still not a Bull yet?
4 Carlos Quentin
You can put it on the board, yes! The Sox slugger capped off an epic week by snagging AL Player of the Week honors.
5 Alison True
Deposed longtime Reader editor was deified on the publication’s blog after her surprise dismissal, while her sackers were Hunned.
This week’s biggest losers:
1 Jon Burge
Hmm… Let’s hope a guilty verdict for lying about torturing prisoners doesn’t mean you’ll risk the same “non-torture” tactics when you move into the Big House, for your own sake.
2 Carlos Zambrano
You’d think $91.5 million would buy a few anger-management sessions.
3 Dustin Byfuglien
Bad enough that you had to get dumped by the Blackhawks with the Stanley Cup practically still in your hands, but did the Tribune really have to rub it in?
4 Kirk Hinrich
So captain, how does it feel to be cast out as LeBron bait?
5 Rod Blagojevich
Oh where, oh where do we start? A week of Blago on trial is a lifetime of punchlines…