By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on,” says satirical news commentator Jon Stewart. That’s a healthy attitude. To do his work, he needs a never-ending supply of stories about people doing crazy, corrupt and hypocritical things. I’m sure this subject matter makes him sad and angry. But it also stimulates him to come up with funny ideas that entertain and educate his audience—and earns him a very good income. I invite you to try his approach, Aries. Have faith that the absurdity you experience can be used to your advantage.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Bananas grow in Iceland, a country that borders the Arctic Ocean. About 700 of the plants thrive in a large greenhouse heated by geothermal energy. They don’t mature as fast as the bananas in Ecuador or Costa Rica. The low amounts of sunlight mean they require two years to ripen instead of a few months. To me, this entire scenario is a symbol for the work you have ahead of you. You’ve got to encourage and oversee growth in a place that doesn’t seem hospitable in the usual ways, although it is actually just fine. And you must be patient, knowing that the process might take a while longer than it would in other circumstances.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While at a cafe, I overheard two people at the next table talking about astrology. “I think the problem-solvers of the zodiac are Cancers and Capricorns,” said a young, moon-faced woman. “Agreed,” said her companion, an older woman with chiseled features. “And the problem-creators are Scorpios and Geminis.” I couldn’t help myself: I had to insert myself into their conversation so as to defend you. Leaning over toward their table, I said, “Speaking as a professional astrologer, I’ve got to say that right now Geminis are at least temporarily the zodiac’s best problem-solvers. Give them a chance to change your minds.” The women laughed, and moon-face said, “You must be a Gemini.” “No,” I replied. “But I’m on a crusade to help Geminis shift their reputations.”
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Mozart debuted his now-famous opera “Don Giovanni” in Prague on October 29, 1787. It was a major production, featuring an orchestra, a chorus and eight main singers. Yet the composer didn’t finish writing the opera’s overture until less than twenty-four hours before the show. Are you cooking up a similar scenario, Cancerian? I suspect that sometime in the next two weeks you will complete a breakthrough with an inspired, last-minute effort. And the final part of your work may well be its “overture;” the first part will arrive last. (P.S.: Mozart’s “Don Giovanni” was well-received, and I expect your offering will be, too.)
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “We must learn to bear the pleasures as we have borne the pains,” says writer Nikki Giovanni. That will be apt advice for you to keep in mind during the coming months, Leo. You may think I’m perverse for suggesting such a thing. Compared to how demanding it was to manage the suffering you experienced in late 2013 and earlier this year, you might assume it will be simple to deal with the ease and awakening that are heading your way. But I’d like you to consider the possibility that these blessings will bring their own challenges. For example, you may need to surrender inconveniences and hardships you have gotten used to, almost comfortable with. It’s conceivable you will have to divest yourself of habits that made sense when you were struggling, but are now becoming counterproductive.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I would hate for your fine mind to become a liability. As much as I admire your native skepticism and analytical intelligence, it would be a shame if they prevented you from getting the full benefit of the wonders and marvels that are brewing in your vicinity. Your operative motto in the coming days comes from Virgo storyteller Roald Dahl: “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” Suspend your disbelief, my beautiful friend. Make yourself receptive to the possibility of being amazed.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Kris Kristofferson is in the Country Music Hall of Fame now, but it took a while for him to launch his career. One of his big breaks came at age twenty-nine when he was sweeping floors at a recording studio in Nashville. He managed to meet superstar Johnny Cash, who was working there on an album. A few years later, Kristofferson boldly landed a helicopter in Cash’s yard to deliver his demo tape. That prompted Cash to get him a breakthrough gig performing at the Newport Folk Festival. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were able to further your goals with a similar sequence, Libra: luck that puts you in the right place at the right time, followed by some brazen yet charming acts of self-promotion.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In her poem “Looking Back,” Sarah Brown Weitzman writes that she keeps “trying to understand / how I fell / so short of what I intended / to do with my life.” Is there a chance that thirty years from now you might say something similar, Scorpio? If so, take action to ensure that outcome doesn’t come to pass. Judging from the astrological omens, I conclude that the next ten months will be a favorable time to get yourself on track to fulfill your life’s most important goals. Take full advantage!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “There is no such thing as a failed experiment,” said author and inventor Buckminster Fuller, “only experiments with unexpected outcomes.” That’s the spirit I advise you to bring to your own explorations in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. Your task is to try out different possibilities to see where they might lead. Don’t be attached to one conclusion or another. Be free of the drive to be proven right. Instead, seek the truth in whatever strange shape it reveals itself. Be eager to learn what you didn’t even realize you needed to know.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Architects in ancient Rome used concrete to create many durable structures, some of which are still standing. But the recipe for how to make concrete was forgotten for more than a thousand years after the Roman Empire collapsed in the fifth century. A British engineer finally rediscovered the formula in 1756, and today concrete is a prime component in many highways, dams, bridges and buildings. I foresee a similar story unfolding in your life, Capricorn. A valuable secret that you once knew but then lost is on the verge of resurfacing. Be alert for it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Beginning in 1798, European cartographers who drew maps of West Africa included the Mountains of Kong, a range of peaks that extended more than a thousand miles east and west. It was ninety years before the French explorer Louis Gustave Binger realized that there were no such mountains. All the maps had been wrong, based on faulty information. Binger is known to history as the man who undiscovered the Mountains of Kong. I’m appointing him to be your role model in the coming weeks, Aquarius. May he inspire you to expose long-running delusions, strip away entrenched falsehoods, and restore the simple, shining truths.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In the simplest, calmest of times, there are two sides to every story. On some occasions, however, the bare minimum is three or more sides. Like now. And that can generate quite a ruckus. Even people who are normally pretty harmonious may slip into conflict. Fortunately for all concerned, you are currently at the peak of your power to be a unifying force at the hub of the bubbling hubbub. You can be a weaver who takes threads from each of the tales and spins them into a narrative with which everyone can abide. I love it when that happens! For now, your emotional intelligence is the key to collaborative creativity and group solidarity.
Homework: Nietzsche said, “One must have chaos within oneself if one is to be a dancing star.” Comment at [email protected].