By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t just be smart and articulate, Aries. Dare to be wildly wise and prone to unruly observations. Don’t merely be kind and well-behaved. Explore the mysteries of healing through benevolent mischief. Don’t buy into the all-too-serious trances. Break up the monotony with your unpredictable play and funny curiosity. Don’t simply go along with the stories everyone seems to believe in as if they were the Truth and the Way. Question every assumption; rebel against every foregone conclusion; propose amusing plot twists that send the narratives off on interesting tangents.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Breve orazione penetra is an old Italian idiom. Its literal translation is “short prayers pierce” or “concise prayers penetrate.” You can extrapolate from that to come up with the meaning that “God listens best to brief prayers.” In the coming week, I invite you to apply this idea whenever you ask for anything, whether you are seeking the favors of the Divine Wow or the help of human beings. Know exactly what you want, and express it with no-nonsense succinctness.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Every February, you go through a phase when it’s easier to see the big picture of your life. If you take advantage of this invitation, your experience is like being on a mountaintop and gazing into the vastness. Every August, on the other hand, you are more likely to see the details you have been missing. Transformations that have been too small and subtle to notice may become visible to you. If you capitalize on this opportunity, the experience is like peering through a microscope. Here’s a third variation, Gemini: Around the full moons of both February and August, you may be able to alternately peer into the microscope and simulate the view from a mountaintop. I think that’s about to happen.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You wouldn’t sip dirty water from a golden chalice. Am I right? Nor would you swig delicious poison from a fine crystal wine glass or ten-year-old vinegar from a queen’s goblet. I’m sure you will agree that you’d much rather drink a magical elixir from a paper cup, or a rejuvenating tonic from a chipped coffee mug, or tasty medicine out of a kids’ plastic soup bowl you bought at the thrift store. Don’t you dare lie to yourself about what’s best for you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Every twelve years, the planet Jupiter spends about a year cruising through the sign of Leo. It’s there with you now, and will be with you through early August, 2015. What can you expect? EXPANSION! That’s great, right? Yes and no. You might love to have some parts of your life expand; others, not so much. So I suggest you write down your intentions. Say something like this: “I want Jupiter to help me expand my faith in myself, my power to do what I love, and my ability to draw on the resources and allies I need. Meanwhile, I will prune my desires for things I don’t really need and cut back on my involvement with things that don’t inspire me. I don’t want those to expand.”
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): TV comedian Stephen Colbert confesses that his safe word is “pumpkin patch.” Does that mean he participates in actual BDSM rituals? Is it the codeword he utters when he doesn’t want the intensity to rise any further, when he doesn’t want his next boundary crossed? I don’t know. Perhaps he’s simply joking or speaking metaphorically. Whether or not you engage in literal BDSM, Virgo, there’s an aspect of your life right now that has metaphorical resemblances to it. And I suggest that you do the equivalent of using your safeword very soon. Nothing more can be gained from remaining embroiled in your predicament. Even if the ordeal has been interesting or educational up until now, it won’t be for much longer. Escape your bondage.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you’re planning to hurl a thunderbolt, make sure you are all warmed up and at full strength before you actually unleash it. It would be sad if you flung a half-assed thunderbolt that looked like a few fireflies and sounded like a cooing dove. And please don’t interpret my wise-guy tone here as a sign that I’m just kidding around. No, Libra. This is serious stuff. Life is offering you opportunities to make a major impression, and I want you to be as big and forceful and wild as you need to be. Don’t tamp down your energy out of fear of hurting people’s feelings. Access your inner sky god or sky goddess, and have too much fun expressing your raw power.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In your dreams you may travel to Stockholm, Sweden to accept the Nobel Prize or to Hollywood to pick up your Oscar. There’s a decent chance that in your sleepy-time adventures you will finally score with the hot babe who rejected you back in high school, or return to the scene of your biggest mistake and do things right this time. I wouldn’t be surprised if in one dream you find yourself riding in a gold chariot during a parade held in your honor. I’m afraid, however, that you will have to settle for less hoopla and glamour in your waking life. You will merely be doing a fantastic job at tasks you usually perform competently. You will be well-appreciated, well-treated and well-rewarded. That’s not so bad, right?
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Lake Superior State University issues a “Unicorn Questing Privilege” to those people who are interested in hunting for unicorns. Are you one of them? I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt an urge like that in the coming weeks. Unusual yearnings will be welling up in you. Exotic fantasies may replace your habitual daydreams. Certain possibilities you have considered to be unthinkable or unattainable may begin to seem feasible. Questions you have been too timid to ask could become crucial for you to entertain. (You can get your Unicorn Questing License here: http://tinyurl.com/unicornlicense.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your ethical code may soon be tested. What will you do if you see a chance to get away with a minor sin or petty crime that no one will ever find out about? What if you are tempted to lie or cheat or deceive in ways that advance your good intentions and only hurt other people a little bit or not at all? I’m not here to tell you what to do, but rather to suggest that you be honest with yourself about what’s really at stake. Even if you escape punishment for a lapse, you might nevertheless inflict a wound on your integrity that would taint your relationship with your own creativity. Contemplate the pleasures of purity and righteousness, and use them to enhance your power.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “The thorn arms the roses,” says an old Latin motto. The astrological omens suggest you’ll be wise to muse on that advice in the coming weeks. How should you interpret it? I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions, of course, but here are a few hints. It may be that beauty needs protection, or at least buffering. It’s possible that you can’t simply depend on your sincerity and good intentions, but also need to infuse some ferocity into your efforts. In order for soft, fragile, lovely things to do what they do best, they may require the assistance of tough, strong, hearty allies.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you go to an American doctor to be treated for an ailment, odds are that he or she will interrupt you no more than fourteen seconds into your description of what’s wrong. But you must not tolerate this kind of disrespect in the coming days, Pisces—not from doctors, not from anyone. You simply must request or, if necessary, demand the receptivity you deserve. If and when it’s given, I urge you to speak your truth in its entirety. Express what has been hidden and suppressed. And this is very important: Take responsibility for your own role in any problems you discuss.
Homework: Tell what techniques you’ve discovered about feeding honey to crocodiles. [email protected]