You could head west toward California. (As in the state.) Or North and apply for Canadian citizenship. You may have to head pretty far south to escape the jingoistic patriotism that spurs Chicago’s annual auditory assault known as the Air and Water Show. A display seemingly designed to induce PTSD in veterans, howling fantods in dogs and “Am I having a panic attack? I think I’m having a panic attack!” moments in people who’ve never had a panic attack before, all during what is normally one of the finest weekends of weather in our all too brief summer season. Certain single-occupancy bathrooms in Merchandise Mart may also suffice if you don’t have an underground shelter at your disposal. And on the chance you’re into these kind of nationalistic military spectacles: I hear Aleppo is nice this time of year. (Kevin Greene)
